Wednesday, February 23, 2011

February 23, 2009

Good news: Asher doesn't have an ear infection. If he did, we were going to have to see an ear, nose, and throat specialist since he's so young and it would be his second one.

Bad news: Asher does have acid reflux. We just have to be more careful with how he eats and has to take Zantac twice a day. She's going to check on how he's doing with it at his 4 month check up.

I'm glad it went okay at the doctor's because honestly, it was not a good day to hear that I had a sick baby. Today marked the 2 year anniversary of my sister's death. Two years ago today, I dropped Andrew off for his first deployment since we had been married and I had moved to Spokane to come home and find out that my sister had taken her own life.

I quickly made arrangements to fly back home to Kentucky, but February 23, 2009 was hands down the worst day of my life. It did however prove to me that if I was strong enough to make it through that one solitary day, I could make it the rest of my life as a military wife. Being away from family is always hard, but being away from everyone you know, even your husband, on a day like that takes a strength that I didn't even know I possessed.

I made it through that day, and that entire deployment, which let me know that I could handle whatever the Air Force decided to throw at me. I am a stronger person because of it, but that doesn't change the fact that I miss my sister greatly. Her life ended only 2 months after I got married so she hasn't been here for some of the best moments of my life. Moments that you can't wait to share with you siblings. Trips that I have taken, the birth of my first child, my first Christmas in Kentucky with my new family. Special moments that just seemed to miss a part of them with her absence.

Life goes on without the loved ones we've lost, but it never seems completely right again especially when their life ended so early. We never truly get over a death, we just learn how to accept it better and to live our own as if each day was our last. I think about her all of the time, but on days like today, it's much harder to go on with life as normal. I didn't get the chance to let her know how much I loved her, or that I did think of her often, even when I didn't always call. There was so much that I would've said, and you can't help but wonder if maybe one of those things would have been enough for her to change her mind.

As this day comes to a close, and the anger and sadness that I feel lessens a little more, I can't help but say that though 2 years ago on this day was a very trying one, there has been so much that has happened since then that makes me the person I am today.

This was the last picture that was taken of the 2 of us together.

RIP Amanda Gayle Wallace Hammonds July 22, 1979 - Feb. 23, 2009

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